4/13/2024 0 Comments Clean hands pure heart writer![]() After all, it didn't "really" happen, did it? The addict inside of me is screaming for me to hide it. I have complicated it for myself by not "finishing" the act. I accessed porn yesterday and masturbated (there, I spelled it all the way out) for the first time in 116 days. Or perhaps it was more like Mowgli, entranced by the eyes of the snake. You know, when he came out of his stupor and was distraught that he had betrayed and attacked the one he was sworn to protect. I'm feeling like Boromir after he tried to grab The Ring from Frodo. ![]() Why did I let him through the door?īut today is a new day, just like each day, what will I do with this one? It is a guest that has overstayed its' welcome. It wasn't! Looking at a blank wall can trigger me! What happened? And now the world is suddenly full of them. Heck, I don't know if I really want her to. Not even in the most innocent (to the outward observer)of ways. She can be very willing to appease me, bless her heart. I cannot indulge the temptation to take lust hits if I want to be free of the misery. I need to be concerned with pleasing my Savior more than myself. Surrender without following the plan won't work either. Self effort without surrender is precisely what brought me to this point. It's harder when you don't want to do any of it.Īnd then there's the danger of thinking that by doing all of those things, I am saving myself. There are a lot of things I need to do daily. This week I'm determined to make calls daily. It's an awful transition, to go from a place of sweet surrender to a place where I'm battling from moment to moment. Something that will help me prevent another slip. ![]() Still want to believe that I will have learned something from it, though. My sponsor told me that relapses aren't a part of recovery. Someone with over a year of sobriety lost it this past week. My SA meeting last night was interesting. He is interested in what I have been learning about addiction and addiction recovery. ![]() I'm staggering a little, but I'm back up off the mat.Ī consequence of relapse is having to detox again. I'm writing to let you know that I'm still in the fight. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |